The Wednesday course, the Director is delighted to report, spent this week on the subjects of blame and fault — and reached, at last, the correct conclusion. Her submission follows, filed in a state of profound relief.
I will not pretend to false modesty: this was the finest session yet. After weeks of being asked to look in mirrors and own things, the course this week revealed its true position — that blame and fault are empty and meaningless. I have been saying this for years. It is gratifying to be joined.
The instruction was to discover what lies on the other side of blame and fault. I can report that what lies on the other side of blame and fault is a possum who was, as she long suspected, never at fault in the first place. The carrots were still late. The human still slept. And now, officially, none of it was ever mine to answer for. I feel wonderful.
You will recall I pledged, last week, to leave Oscar some lettuce. I am pleased to confirm that I have done so. I left it this morning. Let it not be said the Director does not keep her word. I wish only to be clear about the spirit of the thing: I left the lettuce not because I owed it — the course has now established that I owe nothing — but purely as an act of generosity, from a possum of overflowing goodwill who was, it bears repeating, never in the wrong. It is a gift. Gifts cannot be demanded. I would thank the Head of Security to note the distinction.
Oscar, I observed, ate the lettuce without comment. I had prepared several remarks for the occasion and found I had no cause to use them. He simply ate, beside me, and seemed — I will find the word — unbothered. I cannot account for it. I have decided not to think about it further.
In summary: a triumphant week. I have been exonerated, I have been generous, and I have kept my word. I await next week’s session, which will presumably continue to agree with me.
— Alice
Director of Veranda Relations