At 4:37 this morning the food basket was found already occupied. Management maintains this was a scheduled review. The Human Liaison Officer maintains that he had not yet had coffee.
The basket had been stocked the previous evening with cos lettuce and a reserve of carrot. On arrival at the veranda, the Human Liaison Officer discovered Alice seated inside the basket, holding a lettuce leaf in both hands, entirely unhurried and making direct eye contact.
What Alice & Oscar claim happened
A routine, pre-approved inventory inspection was conducted from within the basket to verify freshness at source. Findings: lettuce acceptable. Carrot supply adequate but should not be relied upon. The inspection was concluded when the inspector chose to conclude it.
What the human observer recorded
Alice climbed into the basket, sat in the lettuce, ate some of the lettuce, and looked at me until I went to find a carrot. I have no record of approving any inspection.
Oscar was present on the railing throughout but declined to participate, citing the basket’s failure to provide a two-metre withdrawal margin. He was later observed collecting a single carrot chunk and carrying it off-site, as is his custom.
Service was restored by 4:52 a.m. No further inspections are scheduled, though management notes that this has never once prevented one.