A message from Alice, Director of Veranda Relations, dictated between mouthfuls and transcribed faithfully by the Human Liaison Officer.
It has come to my attention that some visitors are uncertain about the correct standard of service on this veranda. Allow me to clarify.
A carrot is not a reward. A carrot is a baseline. It should be fresh, it should be available, and — on the better mornings — it should be delivered directly to the hand of the Director, who will accept it graciously and without fuss. I take the carrot from the hand not because it is a trick, but because it is efficient. The alternative is that I wait by the basket, looking at the door, until the matter resolves itself. It always resolves itself.
Hand delivery preferred. Basket delivery tolerated. An empty basket is a failure of management, and management is aware.
My colleague Oscar prefers to collect his carrot and eat it two metres away, in private. This is his right. It is also, in my professional view, an unnecessary amount of walking.
That is all. The carrot was excellent. You may consider the matter closed.
— Alice